me against time…

“Everyone thinks you make mistakes when you’re young. But I don’t think we make any fewer when we’re grown up”
― Jodi Picoult

Ahh.. in less than a week’s time, I’ll be hitting the dreaded 25 (maybe I shouldn’t be so upfront about the age) and since time seems to be slightly on my side today, I started thinking about how these 25 years have just flown by so quickly. Its feels like just yesterday that I celebrated the hallmark 21 and suddenly, 4 years have gone by – its true what they say, after 21, time seriously flies.

Amidst chasing for a branded paper, establishing a foothold in society and learning how to be a grown up, I’ve had much fun and had a taste at most things bittersweet. I’ve traveled a fair bit, I’ve got a decent dollar amount in where that is safe, I’ve done what most grown ups have for a safety net in life, I would like to think I have been integrating with society quite well and there is still lots more to be looking forward to! I’m also glad I still have the same bunch of favourite people who have been with me since 13 and certainly sure another 10-20 years wouldn’t be tough.
I think the only procrastination would be my driving license and going for my confirmation but I simply no motivation for the former and it is by no means cool. Other than that, if I can recall the popular secondary school composition exercise – “Where do you see yourself in 5/10years time”.. I don’t think I am very far off but! I think I’m going to have problems when the big three-o comes!

I wish I could get more excited about celebrating this day but all I am is worried for all my tomorrows… Wishful expectations in life seem to point towards hoping everything will fall into place but Murphy’s Law of what can go wrong will go wrong definitely never fails to impress. My 23rd year seem to be the best example thus far but you never know! Somedays I still feel like I’m not prepared to handle things like how my grandparents seem to wrinkle and shrink even more each day while my mum ages slowly too. OR, like how people around me all seem to be getting hitched! (panicking as I type this out..breathe Corrin breathe!)

So for all my tomorrows, do you have handy advice for things I should try to accomplish before I hit 30?

My very own Eat, Pray, Love month

“A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

 

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. ”

 

Elizabeth Gilbert – Eat, Pray, Love

it’s been a trying month packed with a whole lot of me becoming really reclusive only to find out that, hell I’ve always been stronger than I think I can be, why am I running away? I have to thank my teacher who gave me this book when I turned 21 and similarly, was in this exact same spot – only thing is, I’ve grown a whole lot and definitely stronger than yesterday.

To finally be able to walk out from a shadow of conveniently avoiding the topic and be able to bravely say, well the decision has been made after only much deliberation.. certainly doesn’t rank the highest on my favourite things to do. But if life is going to give me lemons, I had better learn from the rest and make those darn good lemonades!

My greatest weakness as I walk out of this.. is my fear of loneliness and dependency. A whole lot of me always searches for that pillar to complete what I’ve already built and what life has already given me. But somehow, I happen to just be one of those people who always has that cheesy mentality that right now, life has all the beautiful drawings and the best canvas – it just lacks colour..

So while I slowly pick myself up and delve into work and games… no binge drinking!! 😛

“I think I deserve something beautiful.”